Privileged
by dontgiveahoot
Summary: A short story told from the POV of the much neglected Kakyuu-hime (aka Princess Fireball). The Starlights have returned to Kinmoku... but is it the joyous return they dreamed for and expected?


PRIVILEGED.  
  
This story is set an indeterminate amount of time after Princess Kakyuu and the Starlights have returned to Kinmokusei.  
  
This is written through Kakyuu's eyes, and contains some spoilers for the Stars season.  
  
(Author's note: Since nobody knows what gender the Starlights are on Kinmokusei, I'll work on the assumption that they, and all Kinmokusei natives, can change their gender at will, except as senshi where they must be female.)  
  
Rated [PG-13] for implied intimacy.  
  
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Homecoming.  
  
The word is generally associated with pleasant feelings, celebration, on Earth as well as this planet. But not this time.  
  
Earth. I cannot escape its constant influence, the memories, any more than my Starlights can. And I was not interacting in that world for very long, did not have to pretend I was a native there to do what I had to do. How much of an effect it has had on them, I cannot really say. But I do know that it has changed all four of us, irrevocably.  
  
I suppose that is how it should be -- change is the one universal constant. But I never anticipated that the changes would be like this.   
  
I anticipated that one day, someday, our privileged lives would end. After all, we were all four of us royalty, and Seiya, Taiki and Yaten had been chosen from the royal families on their planets to be my bodyguards from a young age, since they held the Sailor senshi starseeds of their respective families. I was privileged in that my bodyguards also became my closest friends... and later, one became something more. But that day was always far off, just "someday".  
  
I anticipated that perhaps the Sailor Wars would reach our planet "someday", but I never expected that it would be so soon, or so vicious, that we would have to rebuild our planet from nothing and console the confused citizenry, brought back to life by the healed Galaxia.   
  
I anticipated that one day Taiki and Yaten's devotions would be split between their duty, loyalty and friendship to me; and somebody else whom they would cherish for a different reason. But I never thought that those 'somebody elses' would not be on this planet, let alone so many light years away.   
  
And as for Seiya's affections being split between someone else and myself... I must confess, I never anticipated that. Perhaps I was vain, or overconfident, but I was so sure of Seiya's love... No, I still believe in it. But knowing that he has now also loved another hurts, even if it was only a brief crush...  
  
Then again, I am being unfair. I left them behind, as well as the citizens of my kingdom, in order to find the Light of Hope. It was necessary, but that has never lessened my guilt of deserting my planet when it needed me most. They followed me, striking out blindly across the cosmos, pretending to be natives on an alien planet, searching for me for so long without any kind of reward or reason to believe I could hear them, was longing to go to them. But I dared not.  
  
Maker has submerged herself in her work, working long hours with a far-too-heavy workload. Rarely does she allow herself to be her non-senshi form of Taiki. She is now planning new buildings for the population after completing the rebuilding and restructuring of the palace, organising work groups to build and create the vital components of the cities, such as water pipes and solar power. She uses her brain to drown out any feelings she may have. She was always the most logical of us four, and could sometimes seem distant, but never before have I seen this... completely mechanical behaviour, as if she's performing everything by rote.   
  
Any of the precious little free time she allows herself she spends in reading and studying books, mostly ones she brought from Earth. She's always too busy to talk to anyone, beyond any status reports she makes to me. I could order her to talk to me... but I don't want to do that. I want her to talk to us of her own volition, and she will not. I have occasionally seen her glance over to Healer, and Healer would return the look, as if they share some sad secret that Fighter and I are barred from. Perhaps she talks to Healer... but I am as worried for Healer as I am for Maker.  
  
The only clue to Maker's behaviour lies in a small scrap of paper she keeps on her desk, amid all the piles of official documents. I first saw it when I went in there to sign a few documents she needed my official seal of approval on. She didn't seem to realise I'd noticed it, and some instinct stopped me from asking about it. It appeared to be some kind of scholastic record, written in the Earth language known as Japanese. It simply says, "First place: tie. Mizuno Ami and Taiki Kou."  
  
Mizuno Ami. Which one was she, I wonder? I could ask Seiya, but that would be violating Maker's privacy, asking about it without her permission. And I will not do that.   
  
Not after violating Healer's privacy so.  
  
Healer spends her time up in the tower, exhausting herself by extending her mind as far as she can, making sure no one should ever approach the planet without her knowledge again. She, too, works as many hours at the guardian post as she physically can, and does not revert to her civilian form of Yaten unless she has no more energy to keep up the transformation. Yaten even tries to monitor mental activity around the planet while asleep -- and as a result, is not getting the rest he so desperately needs. If he doesn't start sleeping properly soon, he will be the first patient in the newly rebuilt palace infirmary. He's lost a lot of weight due to the stress of his self-imposed burden, and is now dangerously thin.   
  
I went up to the tower a few weeks ago to check on Healer, make sure she was all right and to try and persuade her to talk to me about whatever was bothering her. I found her slumped on the floor, unconscious from sheer exhaustion, one hand clasping a large book, the other a pencil.  
  
Healer always did love to sketch. She's very good at it, too. She can capture the soul of anything and put it on paper.  
  
After checking her pulse and breathing to be sure she was all right, I considered waking her, but decided that if she was finally sleeping properly, I shouldn't wake her. Instead, I moved her so that she was resting while leaning curled up against the wall, so that she'd at least be a little more comfortable. As I did so, the sketchbook tumbled out of her hand and onto the floor.  
  
Hesitating, I held the sketchbook in my hands. It would be wrong to look at Healer's private things -- but if it helped to explain why she was acting like Maker, so driven to work herself into exhausted forgetfulness, then perhaps I should, for her own good...  
  
To my eternal shame, I opened the book.  
  
The first page contained a picture drawn in splendid colour. A girl, about our age, with long blonde hair with a bright red bow in it, shining blue eyes and a smile that seemed to want to share itself with everyone. Her arms were outstretched, as if giving her joy out to the world, and there was an aura of brightness drawn around her. The picture was titled simply "Minako". I gasped quietly at the careful, loving detail that had gone into drawing this portrait. Healer shifted a little in her sleep, murmuring something under her breath, then settled again. After checking that she was still asleep, I guiltily leafed through the rest of the book.   
  
Most of the rest were pencil sketches, but they were all of this same girl. Standing with the rest of her friends, a white cat draped over her shoulder (was Mizuno Ami among that group, I wonder?) Wearing some kind of costume and dancing. Running enthusiastically, her hair flying in the wind. Jumping to hit some kind of ball, a look of concentration on her face. In a sailor fuku, throwing some kind of attack shaped like a heart, looking simultaneously charming and dangerous; a sketch of her face in profile, from the side in a moment of supreme vulnerability. The last sketch reminded me so much of Yaten on the rare occasions he lets his guard down...  
  
And every drawing had the same small signature down in a corner; "Yaten Kou".  
  
Ashamed beyond belief, I quietly closed the book and slipped it back into Healer's limp hand. Stroking her hair briefly, I whispered, "I'm sorry," before turning and running away in shame at what I'd done.  
  
I didn't mean any harm, I only wanted to help -- but that is no excuse. I am a princess, better is expected of me. Fighter may have looked at the book, or Maker, but I am supposed to be above such things. I betrayed her trust in me. If she ever discovers what I did, she will be devastated. And worse, if she ever does confide in me, I will have to pretend it is new to me, act a lie. I have placed a barrier between us that can never be knocked down.   
  
Later that day, Healer came to me, trembling with humiliation, and reported that she'd fallen asleep on duty. She wanted to be punished. I wouldn't allow it, instead telling her to get some proper rest every night so that it would not happen again.  
  
It didn't last long. Soon she was driven back to overtasking herself. Seiya has tried to talk to both of them, tried to get them to stop their path of slow self-destruction, but to no avail.  
  
Seiya...  
  
A princess is supposed to be objective while making judgements in any area. This is an area where I am not sure I can be.   
  
Why did Seiya talk to Sailor Moon so before we left? I could not help but cover a smile at the girl's complete misunderstanding of his words, and Yaten and Taiki obviously found it highly amusing, since they couldn't stifle their laughter, nor did they try. But it makes me wonder... how much did they know about how Seiya truly felt about Sailor Moon? How serious were those feelings? Feelings I had thought Seiya reserved solely for me...  
  
A princess is not supposed to be jealous, and only a fool would resent the person who healed Galaxia, who is now returning the stolen starseeds and bringing balance back to the cosmos.  
  
Am I, then, a jealous fool?  
  
As a senshi, Fighter spends the majority of the time helping me organise the population, still in somewhat of a confused shambles. Off duty, Seiya divides most of his spare time between vainly begging, coaxing and ordering the other two to rest. They tend to be short and sharp with him, almost resentful. It hurts him, I can tell, but still he persists. The other part of his time is spent tending to any requests I may have.  
  
But on the subject of Earth... he will not talk, and I will not ask. He would readily tell me about this "Minako" and "Mizuno Ami" if I asked him, but I will not. I have already invaded the privacy of my friends enough. And I don't know what he would say about Sailor Moon, so I will not put him in such a position. Partly because I do not want him to be uncomfortable...  
  
And partly because I am not sure I want to know the answer.  
  
But at night, when Seiya, or Fighter, comes to my chambers, it is like there has been no change at all. Seiya loves me, of that I am sure. To me, while Taiki and Yaten have always been somewhat separate from their senshi identities, Seiya and Fighter have always been the same person -- my lover. And next year, when I come of the age to ask for the hand of someone in marriage, I will ask whichever form happens to be beside me on that day I wake up beside him, or her. Either way, Seiya will rule Kinmokusei beside me.  
  
Is that what Taiki and Yaten resent? No, I don't think so. They have known of our love for some time, and know the implications. They always seemed tolerantly amused by our love, never having found love for themselves, not even childhood crushes. Taiki is too logical to find any sort of joy in a relationship without solid foundations, and Yaten is too wary, won't let anyone inside that warm, compassionate heart that is guarded by so many hard walls.  
  
But now... they seem to have found soulmates. People who are like them, who they can relate to. They seem to have fallen in love. And the fickle, cruel hand of fate has decreed that their soulmates live on, and serve to protect, a planet that is far distant from the one we grew up on, and are sworn to protect.   
  
They would be perceived by most as privileged people -- they have the ability to be senshi, a much-envied position on Kinmokusei. They have much personal power that I have delegated to them. And they can have any material thing Kinmokusei can provide. And they don't want it.  
  
No, they don't envy Seiya for the ability to rule. They resent him for a privilege far more special and rare -- the ability to embrace the one you love, every day. Perhaps the most precious privilege of all.  
  
No wonder they grieve for Earth so.  
  
THE END.  



End file.
